Chansaw one-shots
by Shadowespio
Summary: Just a bunch of Chansaw one-shots. Taking requests(no nsfw)
1. Chapter 1

"Heather...don't freak out, but I think we're locked in." I heard Heather scoff. "Nice try, Veronica, but I'm not falling for it. Open the door." "No, seriously, we're locked in." The red-clad girl walked over to the door and placed her perfectly manicured fingers on the knob. She tried to turn it, but to no avail. After several more attempts, an exasperated moan escaped the lips of the queen herself. "Fucking Christ!" The girl yelled. "Relax, I'll write us a note or something and we can just slide it under the door." I grabbed a pen out of my pocket and my forged excuse note to get out of PE. After fiddling with my pen, I finally came up with the words to write. Moving my pen neatly across the page, I soon heard Heather's voice. "God! Could you write any slower?" I started to write faster, and soon enough, the note was finished. I handed it to the group's leader and she smiled a fakely innocent smile at me. "Thank you, Ronnie." She slid the note under the door and sat down, one leg over the other in the position of one sitting in a throne. "What do you wanna do in this dump until we're, quote on quote, "rescued." I shrugged my shoulders. "It's not like I prepared for this situation, we don't really have anything to do." Heather crawled towards me and pulled up my chin. A bright red crept onto my face. "I can think of a few things." She smirked. Then, the doorknob turned. Just to be expected, I guess.


	2. Halloween special 1

"These effects are SO fake," Chandler said, rolling her eyes. Veronica shushed her. Horror movies were her favorite. "You actually enjoy this crap?" Chandler scoffed. "Please, I could make a better horror movie with popsicle sticks, glue, and a flip phone camera." "Really, now?" Veronica mocked. Just then a zombie appeared on the screen. Veronica jumped. "Wait." Heather stifled a laugh. "You're actually scared of this crap?" "Wh-no! That's ridiculous!" Screaming and groaning came from the TV. "You are, aren't you?! You know how much fodder this is for blackmail later?" Veronica pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head. "Don't tell anyone, okay Heather?" Veronica said, clearly ignoring Chandler's previous statement. Chandler sighed and pulled on Veronica's arm. "Get on the couch, we're finishing this movie." Veronica, astounded by Heather's request, obliged. "We're making out during the scary parts, though." Veronica's face flushed a bright red. "W-what?" "You heard me." Veronica nervously scooted over towards Chandler and rested her head on the red clad girl's lap. Just then another scream came from the TV. Just Veronica's luck.


	3. Chapter 2

"Veronica! Grab the damn corn nuts!" I panicked and grabbed them. "Sorry, I've gotta go, Heather's calling me." And with that I left my lifeline at 7/11 behind me. "Why'd you take so long?!" "Well, I kind of ran into a friend of mine there and I-" Heather pressed her finger to the bridge of her nose and sighed. "Let me guess, It's that Jesse James impersonator, isn't it?" I fumbled with my hands. "Well, it wasn't really-" "Zip it. Veronica, you can't just fall in love with every emo guy you see. It'd ruin our reputation. Just…just don't do it again."Why is she so hung up on this? JD's a super nice guy and he just really needs some support in life. "You're lucky I'm in charge. If Duke was she would've kicked you out for sure by now." That made me ask the question…why was Chandler in charge? "Hey, um, Heather? Why ARE you in charge?" "You think I'm not a good leader?" I waved my hands no rapidly. "No, no, you totally are. But…how did the Heathers come to be?" Heather tapped her fingers on the steering wheel. "I can't really remember, actually."

"You…don't remember?" "Nope." I can't tell if that's something Chandler would totally do, or something Chandler totally wouldn't do. There was a pause, but only for a few seconds. "Then how come I got in?" We reached a stop light and Heather turned around. "Because I love you." I started gasping and stuttering. I was in panic mode. "W-wha?!" Chandler laughed. "Grow up, Veronica. Geez, I can't believe you fell for that." "You're a bitch sometimes, you know that, right?" "I'll take that as a compliment." A few more seconds passed. "Heather, is there anyone you actually DO like?" She answered swiftly, no hesitation, no worries.

"No. Everyone I know only wants me for two things. Sex, and to be popular. Ram and Kurt are dicks, Duke's a whiny bitch, and Mcnamara's like a little sister." "…And me?" Heather didn't even hesitate. "You've got Bo Diddley already, what else could you want?" Heather tilted her head back. "Why'd you ask that question. You're not gay are you?"I stammered to find an answer. "No! Of course not!" "Really?" She asked, in a sort of seductive voice. "Then what is it about that boy that makes you like him so much?" I felt incredibly embarrassed at the question. "I really like the fact that…well…he's protecting me, you know?" "Oh geez. Is that why?" She laughed mockingly. "How obvious can you BE Veronica? That's the best excuse you could come up with?" "I'd like to see you come up with an excuse!" She slammed on the brake. "So you ARE gay. No wonder you wanted to join our group." She said in a somewhat mocking tone. "S-shut up! You can't tell anyone about this, okay?" Chandler ran her fingers through Veronica's hair. "So let me guess. You like it when I do this, don't you?" "Shut up! Lesbians don't just fall in love with everyone they see you know!" "Oh." Chandler put her hand over her heart mockingly. "I'm offended." "Just shut up and drive to the party, okay?" "Wow, Veronica. You're really desperate aren't you?" She shook her head in a sort of "You darn kids" way. "Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me for as long as you're in the Heathers. So you better not leave! Got it?" Jesus Christ this girl was a sadistic monster. "Fine. I've got it. I keep forging notes and you wont tell anyone." "Bingo."

Just then we arrived at the house. McNamara and Duke ran up to us. "This wont put a damper on things, okay?" Chandler asked. I nodded. "You guys ready for the party?" McNamara asked. "I guess so." I responded. "Don't be such a buzzkill!" Mcnmamara yelled and pulled me inside. Chandler and Duke followed close behind. "Who's ready to party!?" Ram yelled. I perked up and yelled with everyone else. "Yo! Who's got the booze?!" Chandler smiled. Maybe this party wouldn't be so bad after all.


	4. Chapter 3

Heather had a diary

Nobody knew it but hidden behind all of the books on her parents' bookshelf Heather had hid a small notebook. Even after her death she still wrote in it as a ghost.

"Your clothes lined blue

I'm into you

The monster you've become

But In the back of my head

I'm filled with dread

I see your innocence is gone

Roses are red

Drain cleaner is blue

I wish you could tell

That I was into you"


	5. Chapter 4

"Ronnie, get over here." I heard the leader command. I sighed, dreading the pile of shopping bags I was being forced to carry. "Why can't you carry them, heather?" "Because, I need my hands to try stuff on. You're obviously not interested in that." Always putting herself first I see. "Why can't duke or McNamara do it?" I gestured towards the two girls behind me. "You're more fun to mess with. Now come on, chop chop!" I sighed and walked into Forever 21. "Do you have this in red?" I heard Chandler ask from across the store. I looked towards Duke and McNamara. "Aren't you two going to shop as well?" Mac groaned. "When it comes to shopping with Heatheryou're either carrying the bags or you're not there at all." Duke scoffed. "Chandler doesn't own me. I could shop by myself if I wanted." "Not if you wanna leave the mall with your dignity." Chandler snapped back from across the store. With Chandler there was no such thing as an empty threat. "Heather, Heather, get over here. Ronnie, pick me out some skirts." I threw my head back in an exaggerated manner and headed towards the skirt isle. I tried to pick out a mix of both short and long skirts since I didn't know which type Chandler wanted. I walked back over to the Heathers, skirts fresh in my hands. "Good, now try them on." "W-what?" I stammered. "I wanna see what looks good on you first before I try them on. Unless...you don't want to be part of the Heathers?" I groaned exhaustedly. Jesus, how much could this one girl want? Stepping into the changing room I tried on the first skirt and walked out. "Lame! Next!" The red clad girl yelled. I changed into the next skirt. "Way too long." The next one. "Way too short!" Mac yelled. "I think it looks pretty good." Duke commented, clearly drawn in by how short it was. "Shut up, Heather!" "Sorry, Heather." I walked back into the changing room to try on the last one. "Not bad." Chandler critiqued. "Okay, change out of it, I'm trying it on." After about thirty seconds Chandler came out in the skirt. "How do I look?" Fuck, she looked hot in that skirt. "Veronica? Veronica?" She walked up to me. "Veronica!" I zoned back in. "Uh, you look great, Heather." "Good, cause you're paying for it." I sighed and handed her my credit card. Mall trips with Chandler really were the worst.


	6. Chapter 5

Here's another poem that I think Heather Chandler would have written.

Your eyes that I so clearly see

Reflect a deep blue back at me

Your clothing that's so pretty and cute

Your lips that are colored bright red like fruit

The vines that attatch cannot be cut

You have to ignore them and down the hall strut

You're currently simmering there in the vat

You're no longer in your old nerdy habitat

Yellow and green listen easily

You're much more of a challenge to me

You must obey my every whim

Be tall and thick and impossibly slim

You'll extinguish over time like the candles on Hanukkah

I swear that you will be mine, Veronica.


	7. chapter 5 bonus(headcanons)

Heather is always seducing Veronica and Veronica hates it because she can't say no to her girlfriend when she does it.

Chandler is very possessive of Veronica. Whenever they're walking down a hallway in school chandler has to make a big deal about how Veronica is her girlfriend and no one else can have her. That's only after a long time of dating, of course.

Whenever chandler's sick Veronica tries to care for her; but chandler refuses to believe that she's sick. "Just eat the damn soup!" "I told you I'm not sick!"

Veronica writes a lot of yaoi in her spare time. Like, a LOT of yaoi. It's her job as a writer to appease the fans.

Chandler always laughs at the yaoi Veronica writes because she thinks it's stupid.

Veronica stays up and sits on the couch until 3:00am watching new tv shows and crying over them.

Chandler watches a lot of stuff in secret. Anything that's fluffy or childish is an absolute secret to her.

Chandler hits Veronica whenever she makes dad jokes at a serious situation.

Chandler is always gossiping about the other heathers. She's told Veronica stuff that the other heathers would've wanted to take to their grave and Veronica is always making fun of them for it.

Chandler has blackmailed Veronica into doing so many things for her it's not even funny.

Marriage headcanons for them:

Whenever chandler is acting super needy veronica is always super annoyed by it. "Veronica, I'm bored. Entertain me." "It's three in the fucking morning, I'm trying to sleep."

There are frequent makeout sessions. Like, a LOT of makeout sessions.

Heather LOVES bitter flavors(especially her coffee) but her all time favorite type of cake is red velvet.

Veronica is a huge fan of vanilla ice cream and sea salt caramel ice cream.

Veronica ADORES boba. She blows all her money on milk teas.

Heather smokes cigarettes a lot and owns a red car. Although Veronica smokes too she HATES when heather smokes in their car since it's so expensive.

Chandler is a HUGE fan of dirty pickup lines. She loves using them on Veronica.

One time chandler slammed Veronica against a wall while making out with her and they accidentally made a hole in the wall. When the repair man came over Veronica blurted out saying the dog did it.

Soon afterwards they ACTUALLY bought a dog and named him duke since he's super short tempered and it reminded them of their old high school friend heather duke.

Duke loves Chandler and it really bugs her since she likes to be left alone. He's constantly hopping on her lap and loving her which really bugs her since sometimes she'll be busy trying to eat her pizza when duke will just hop onto her lap and slobber all over it.

Veronica absolutely HATES the beach and gets really annoyed when Chandler drags her there. She normally gets forced into putting suntan lotion on chandlers back but she's okay with it since chandler looks really cute sunbathing.

Chandler and Veronica criticize all the shitty reality tv shows that are on. Most of the time Veronica will imitate the guys on the bachelor and Chandler will call all of the girls on it desperate sluts.

Veronica is OBSESSED with video games. She's a huge fan of games like portal and dishonered. Whenever her and chandler play anything together Veronica will already know all the shortcuts to the new Mario kart courses and is just generally really good at whatever they play.


	8. Halloween Special 2

Oooooh, spoopy. Sorry for the delay, I haven't been doing that well lately. Anyways, here's a Halloween chapter requested by one of my followers. :) Shoutout to my good friend on Tumblr Shironekotama. They've been drawing some amazing stuff for me lately, all Heathers related. You should totally follow them! Anyways, on with the story. It's a monster AU.

I put on my blazer and adjusted my dress straps. It really is unfortunate, having to dress up in fancy clothes, only to have them inevitably destroyed later. But I digress. Today was my first date with Heather Chandler. Everything would be fine, right? "Veronica! Heather is here to see you!" I heard my mom call from downstairs. "Coming!" I yelled back, running quickly down the stairs. As I finished running down the last few stairs, I saw the witch herself. In fact, all of the Heathers were witches. "Hello, Ronnie!" My mom smiled. "You two girls have fun tonight. But not too much fun! I don't want you two hooking up with any guys, got it?" If only she knew that the person right in front of her was my girlfriend. "Got it." I replied, slightly annoyed by her joke. "Ready, Heather?" She nodded and off we went.

Once we got outside I hopped on her broomstick and we headed off. Heather wasn't always the best driver, as evidenced by her road rage; but ever since she found out she was a witch she hasn't needed to drive the way same way mere mortals did. She also had some aspects of mind control, which she'd sometimes use to mess with people. Who am I kidding? She ALWAYS used it to mess with people. "Duke and Mac are already at the restaurant. They booked a table for us at the best place in town," I heard Heather say, snapping me out of my inner conversation with myself. I chuckled. "I'm surprised you're actually giving out a compliment." Heather rolled her eyes. And just like that we were at the restaurant. We walked in and saw Mac and Duke sitting at our table. Mac waved frantically for us to come join. I smiled and walked over, Chandler trailing close behind. "Hey, guys!" Mac greeted. "Duke and I already ordered. Is that cool with you?" "Yeah that's fine." I responded. Chandler and I sat down. "So, you and Mac, huh?" I said with a slightly devilish grin. "I guess I just couldn't resist how cute she is." Duke shrugged. "Oh please, Duke. We all know how interested you really are. It's so obvious." Chandler remarked sadistically. "No! This is our first date, my god. " "We all know how you feel. Admit it or I'll do it for you." "Fine. The truth is I fantasize about Mac and I having-" "Woah! Heather!" I lowered my voice a bit so other people couldn't hear us. "That's not something you use your powers to make someone say." She scoffed at me. "Please, We all know she was thinking it." I looked over to see Mac blushing like crazy. Right behind her I could see the clouds starting to darken. I heard a crash. Thunder and lightning. Mac's specialty. I lowered my voice to a whisper. "Heather, calm down." The restaurant's atmosphere quickly turned tense. Duke started to comfort Mac the best she knew how. "Mac, it's fine. Heather was just messing with us. You know I'd never say that." Mac sniffled and sat back up. Heather placed her fingers to her temple. "At least Veronica can take a joke." Heather sighed.

As the sky started to clear our food arrived. After hours of talking, laughing, and Duke using her powers of plant manipulation to accuse the waiters of putting poison ivy instead of oregano in her spaghetti, dinner was finally over. An anxious feeling ate at me. It was almost time. The moon was rising. My breath started to get heavy. My stomach tied in a knot. I honestly felt like throwing up. I know that I can't hold onto this secret for much longer, I'd have to come clean some day. But today is not that day. "Um, can you guys excuse me for a bit? I have to go to the bathroom." Gosh, Veronica. Why so formal? "Go ahead. It's not like we control your bladder." Chandler said, pulling a nail filer out of her purse. I started power walking to the bathroom and as soon as I got inside I immediately walked into a stall. My time was up. My body started shaking, my back became hunched. My nails started growing ever so slowly, making every second even more excruciating than you'd expect. And my hair. Oh my god did my hair start to grow. My blazer looked like it went through a mine field, the bottom of my dress looked like a poorly cut piece of fabric, and my shoes looked like that of a toddler's in comparison. I was a freak wasn't I? The entire transformation was agonizing. "God, Veronica. It sounds like you're getting off in there." Of course my girlfriend would be the one to find me in here. "I-I'm fine." I responded, trying my best to sound normal. But of course, Chandler didn't listen. "Alright, you obviously can't be trusted to keep this place family friendly. We're going home." "No, I'm fine. I just stubbed my toe." My hair grew even longer. I felt the strong urge to howl. "Just give me five more...awooooo" I couldn't fight the urge anymore. I had to let it out. Heather burst out laughing and climbed under the stall. "Veronica, you're hysteri...cal." She froze, petrified by my appearance. "Veronica...you're..." I let out a sigh. "I can't hide it anymore, can I? The truth is...I'm a werewolf. I'm hideous, I know. Go ahead. Break up with me. I know I'm not the person you truly want. I'm...a monster." I felt two warm hands pull me forward and wrap around my fur. "You're not a monster, Veronica. I don't give a shit if you're a werewolf. Lots of people here are different. Just because you become an oversized dog once a month doesn't mean I love you any less."

I sniffled and felt tears welling in my eyes. I gave a small laugh. "This is the cheesiest thing ever, isn't it? Honestly I was wrong to ever doubt you. I mean, you may be a mythic bitch, but you're my mythic bitch. That's all that matters...right?" Heather nodded. "Right."


	9. Chapter 6

I wouldn't say this is entitely chansaw as much as it is Heather being a bitch for her own cruel needs. But I wrote it after seeing reverseinversedisperse post something about the AU on tumblr. I won't spoil what the AU is so here's the fic. Also reverseinversedisperse is great. You should follow them! Their art is fantastic!

"Veronica! You're drenched!" I looked down to see a pantsless JD. "This was a mistake." "What was?" JD asked. "Thinking I could ever get away from Heather. No matter what I do she'll always follow me." I grabbed my jacket and put it on over my shirt. Probably not a good idea since I was sweating but there's no way I'd get taken back without being in uniform. "You're saying you're going to apologize?" "Yeah." I nodded. "Then I'll come with you. Y'know, for moral support." I smiled. "Thanks. We'll stop at a 7/11afterwards." 

After a short car ride we were at the house of the mythic bitch herself, Heather Chandler. I knocked on the door. "Heather?" She didn't answer. I knocked again. "Heather?" Still, no answer. "Heathe-" "What?!" I gulped. "I, uh, came to apologize." "Make me a prairie oyster and I'll consider it." I turned the door knob. "Ladies first." JD said, gesturing to the door. "What a gentlemen." I joked.

In the kitchen JD and I fixed heather up a prairie oyster. "I'm prefer having a clean immune system, personally." JD held up a bottle of drain cleaner. "Are you serious? That could kill her." JD poured it into a mug slowly. "Thus, ending her hangoverrrr." "I'm serious. Be careful with that." The slushie lover stepped towards me and placed the mug down on the table. "I'm sorry, okay? I won't do it again." He kissed me gently on the lips. "Prairie oyster! C'mon Veronica!" I grabbed the mug and walked into Heather's bedroom. I placed the mug down next to her. "Good. Now beg." I blushed. "W-what?" I stuttered. "Go on. Beg me to let you join the group again. Unless you'd rather become an outcast..." "Fine, I'm sorry, please take me back!" Chandler laughed. "You think that a simple apology is enough? On. Your. Knees. In front of your boy toy here." I apologized even more sincerely this time. "I'm not kidding. Knees. Now." I finally succumbed to the pressure and got down on my knees. "I'm, so sorry. I made a terrible mistake. Please take me back." Heather laughed right in my face. "Watching you beg is fun and all, but you're already dead to me..." Heather started drinking from the mug. When all of a sudden she started choking. "Heather!" I grabbed onto her and started giving her the heimlic maneuver, tried to force her to throw up, everything. And thankfully, it worked. "Veronica, what the fuck did you do to my drink?! I knew you couldn't be trusted." "No, it wasn't me, it was JD. You see he was joking around and decided to pour a cup of drain cleaner and we accidentally mixed up the cups and gave you the one with the drain cleaner but it's all okay now becuase you're still alive, right?" I said rapidly. Then I stood there for a minute, waiting for a response. "Back on your knees, bitch.


	10. Chapter 7: more poems

I'm so gay:

I'm so gay

Fuck she's hot

I'm so gay

I like her a lot

I'm so gay

Man she is thicc

I'm so gay

I don't like the dick

A response poem to Annabel lee by a yandere Heather Chandler:

Anabel anabel, you are someone I adore.

So beatiful sprawled out sleeping on the floor

Just one shot of novacaine

You only have yourself to blame

Anabel anabel you know you've been bad

You refused all my love, you KNOW that makes me mad

You have been rightfully mine from the start

You found the way to carve open my heart

So from now on you won't exist

My advances will persist

Even dead you will be mine

Belong to me for all my time

A poem Heather wrote about herself:

Should I take the red pill or maybe the blue

All these edibles I can chew

Mess up what boys say is just a "pretty head"

How much I wish I were finally dead

They tell me just stand still

It's all just run of the mill

I don't deny their advances

I act flattered by their glances

I just say it's fine

But everyone ignores the feelings that are mine...


	11. Chapter 8

After waiting patiently for the last few hours I finally hear her footsteps as she starts walking down the hallway. Her footsteps grow louder as I bounce excitedly with anticipation. I finally hear Chandler's voice. "Veronica, where the fuck are you?!" Her footsteps grow even nearer. "This is a…pretty big gift…" I hear her remark. Now's my cue! "Surprise!" I yell, jumping out of the present box my wife was previously inspecting. She falls backwards, obviously startled. "What the fuck, Veronica?!" "I thought I'd do something special for Christmas. What, do you not like my surprise?" "No, of course I like it. It's just-Jesus fuck you scared me." I chuckle a bit as our dog Duke comes running down the hall as well, curious about the noise that awoke him from his slumber.

"Hi, Duke." I say as Duke runs up to me and flips over so I can pet his belly. "Should we lock him outside and open the Christmas gifts?" Chandler asks. "But-" I lean into a whisper "I actually bought him some gifts." Chandler pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. "How committed to this holiday can you be?"

After waiting for Duke to go to the bathroom and making Heather's coffee, two sugars with egg nog coffee creamer, we sit down and start opening the gifts. Heather hands me hers first. "I hope you like it, it cost a lot of money." My curiosity gets the best of me and I don't even try and savor the moment. I just start tearing the wrapping paper as fast as I can. After massacring the packaging I open the box up to see a sparkling ring and matching necklace, both made of what I can only assume is 20 Karat gold. The ring has little blue diamonds on it and the necklace manages to be just as stunning. I notice the little button on the necklace and press it to reveal the inside where there's a picture of Chandler kissing me on the forehead. "Heather…" I start tearing up. "This is….beautiful." Heather winked. "I told you we'd make it beautiful."

Next up to give a gift was me. I handed Chandler a box with a nice red satin box on top, tied as carefully as possible. She spared no time trying to savor the wrapping either, instead grabbing fistfuls of wrapping paper by the millisecond. When she opened up the box she saw a designer dress with a color closely resembling the bow on top of the box it came in. As she took the dress out she finally got a glimpse at the straps on the back. "T-this must've cost a fortune! Are you sure you really wanna give this to me?!" I nodded. "For you, it's worth it. Merry Christmas, Heather." She kisses me on the cheek. "Merry Christmas, Veronica."


End file.
